Two

Two

Two. We were supposed to be done at two. I was supposed to be done at two.

Just moments after E was born, I scooped her up into my arms and looked across to my husband.

“I’m never doing that again. I’m done.” (To be fair, my fanny was still stinging.)

Hubby nodded. “Two is a good number.”

14 months on and I have that oh-so-familiar ache. I’m longing for another baby. I don’t feel done.

It’s impossible to ignore, believe me I have tried.

And I often think that this feeling will pass, eventually. When the girls are both older and life gets easier. When nappy changes and night feeds are but distant memories. Maybe I’ll just look back and think “those days were hard” and never want to put myself through it again.

But right now I cannot ignore my feelings.

Stephen and I both like the idea of having a big family but (being far more sensible than I am) he worries about the practicalities of having a third child. Space, money, effort. I do think about those things too but my ovaries chime in with “WE’D MAKE IT WORK, SOMEHOW!”

Is being broody enough of a reason to have a third baby?

Although, this feels like more than just broodiness. I’m not getting ‘clucky’ at the sight of a newborn. I’m thinking about growing our family every waking second of the day. This is all-consuming.

Even on the hardest days.

When the kids have spent the the entire day squabbling.

Or E’s kept me awake all night.

When I’m so tired that my head pounds.

I. still. want. another.

We were supposed to be done at two. I was supposed to be done at two.

Jenna xx

12 Comments

  1. Claire
    February 6, 2018 / 6:17 pm

    I feel exactly the same and Ada is coming up 14 months…I’m hoping it will pass but what if it doesn’t?! It’s hard…will I ever feel done?
    We are on baby no 3 and I was definitely meant to done!!…maybe there’s some of us who are just naturally broody! Good luck whatever you decide…you have 2 gorgeous girls by the way 😊
    Claire x

    • Jenna February 6, 2018 / 7:10 pm

      I think you’re right, some of us never feel ‘done’.
      There’s a danger that we’ll have another baby and I’ll still feel exactly the same!! But it’s a hard feeling to ignore.
      Thank you for your lovely comment. xx

  2. Ellie
    February 6, 2018 / 9:50 pm

    Awh there is never a ‘right time’ and there is always the practicalities but when you have a beautiful baby in your arms none of it matters. You do figure it out. Three is an amazing number and you’d have such a lovely age gap where they would all grow up close. I say DO IT! Xxxxxxxx

    • Jenna February 7, 2018 / 11:04 am

      You’re preaching to choir! Heh. I’m just trying to convince my husband that we need another! ;)
      Oh I know, the age gap would be really lovely. I can imagine three sisters (I’m convinced we’d have another girl) growing up together.
      xxx

    • Jenna February 18, 2018 / 9:15 pm

      Haha nooo, don’t tell me that! x

  3. February 17, 2018 / 8:53 pm

    I have felt like this since my second was about 3 months old! Now she’s turned two and I’m 4 months pregnant with our third. We also said only two and I never felt done although my husband did.. our third was a massive surprise but I feel like it was meant to be how it happened!

    • Jenna February 18, 2018 / 9:14 pm

      Yes, it was definitely meant to be for you guys!

      We’re kind of stuck in a ‘shall we, shan’t we’ third baby limbo!

  4. April 9, 2018 / 10:05 pm

    Thank you Jenna for sharing Two post. A feeling I’m sure most women think about. When is done really mean ‘done’? :)

    What do u think will be the verdict?

    • Jenna April 13, 2018 / 8:45 am

      I think we’ll probably stick to two. :) x

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