On toddler groups and why they are NOT the answer I’m looking for…

I had my 16 week midwife appointment the other day. Leading up to it, I had played the whole thing out in my head several times. The bit where she asks “and how has your mood been?” and I casually lie “Oh fine” and we move swiftly on to checking my wee or blood pressure.

Except it didn’t happen like that. When asked how my mood had been lately, I felt my eyes fill with tears and my face get hot. “Up and down” I replied. And then I broke down. I sobbed as I blurted out about how I am struggling to cope with feelings of isolation and loneliness. How I don’t have any support network. How I hate living in this town. How I tell my husband every. single. day but he just doesn’t get it. How I have no idea how I’m going to cope with two children.

The midwife passed me a tissue and looked at me sympathetically. She then asked if I took Jasmine to toddler groups to which I told her “yes, most weeks we’ll go to them”. My heart sank because baby and toddler groups are not the answer I’m looking for. In the last two years since having Jasmine I feel like I have given those groups a ‘good go’ – we’ve done baby sign, baby massage, visited the play sessions at the local children’s centres, sang hymns at toddler church groups (I’m very much an atheist), met fellow mums off the internet for cups of tea. I can, hand on heart, say that I have tried to ‘put myself out there’ and make connections with people. But, for whatever reason, it just didn’t really happen.

I made a couple of mum friends when Jasmine was a baby who I saw regularly but as soon as they returned to full-time work I stopped hearing from them. That’s OK, I get that. I’m busy, they’re busy – life goes on.  I probably didn’t make as much effort to get in touch either. I felt guilty for even asking to take up any of their ‘free time’.

But honestly? I’m now at the point where I’m bored of trying. I’m tired of trying to make conversations with strangers. I’m fed up of hoping and wishing people might just like me enough to want to hang out sometime. It’s exhausting trying to build up a support network from scratch. And after 3 years of trying (that’s how long I’ll have lived here in July), I have nothing to show for it. NOTHING. I’m embarrassed by that and I feel like a total failure. People move to different parts of the country all of the time and they seem to make it work. They make connections. Why haven’t I? It’s a question I ask myself a lot.

The problem is, I don’t think I’m ever going to find what I’m looking for at toddler groups. They’re great for Jasmine and that’s why we still go to them. But going to toddler groups won’t stop me from feeling isolated and lonely.

What I need is support. Not small talk from other mums about toddler tantrums and potty training every Thursday morning over a cup of tea and some stale biscuits. That’s no more stimulating than talking to the Tesco delivery man about the weather (which is often the only adult conversation, other than with my husband, that I have all week). I need more than that. So much more.

I need people around me who love me. I need genuine connections with people who like me for being me. Not for being mum to someone who is the same age as their own child. Does that make sense? I want my old friends. The ones I’ve known for years – the ones that came before motherhood. But I feel so far away from them.

I want to move back to Bristol and it’s just not going to happen anytime soon – if at all.

I feel trapped here. Completely and utterly trapped.

I don’t want to look back on these early years of motherhood and remember nothing but how sad and lonely I was. But I fear that could end up being the case if things continue the way they are now.

Jasmine’s just woken up from her nap and is throwing things out of her cot so I need to go and be ‘mum’ again now. I wish I could say I feel better for writing this but I don’t. I’m still no closer to finding a way of making things better for myself and my mental health. I just know that going to ‘Rhyme time’ isn’t going to solve these issues. And I only wish people would stop suggesting that it would.

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  1. Avatar June 10, 2016 / 4:31 pm

    Oh, Jenna. I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. I can sympathise in many ways – I’ve lived in London for nearly seven years and have only made one friend – an old work colleague who I see 2-3 times a year. We occasionally hang out with Hubby’s work friends, or his old friend from uni who moved to London around the same time we did. But that’s it.

    The difference is that I don’t really mind. It is lonely sometimes, but I’ve always been a solitary person – maybe because I’m an only child.

    Reading your post, though, something did jump out at me – that all of social things you listed are based around Jasmine. Toddler groups, baby classes, etc. And I agree that basing friendships around your children doesn’t seem to work in most cases. Could you instead work out some time for you to join some sort of club or group or class? When I lived in Scotland, I made a friend through my tae kwon do classes… and I was on the verge of another friendship in a photography club, but then we moved.

    Finding groups and clubs can be tricky. Especially if you don’t want your pool of potential friends to be all pensioners, but at least when you find something that’s based on a topic you’re interested in, you already know you have at least something in common with the other members. I’d suggest checking out Meetup.com if you haven’t tried it already. I’ve taken part in some fun Meetups and have made some Facebook friends as a result (but not “real” friends…)

    Gosh, I didn’t mean for that to go on so long. :-)

    • Jenna June 12, 2016 / 9:32 pm

      It’s funny because I’m relatively introverted and have never been one of those people who needs to constantly be around other people. In fact, I can’t think of anything worse! I do like my own company and some days I love the fact I don’t have to be anywhere or see anyone – I can just do my own thing with my little girl.

      That said, I do miss my friends terribly. I think I miss being around people who just ‘get me’.

      I spend all my time being mum and I feel like I’ve lost everything I used to be. Like I have no personality anymore. I exist purely just to look after somebody else. And you’re right, part of that is due to the fact that everything we do revolves around Jasmine. I do find adult classes/groups a bit tricky. I’ve done Italian lessons before now and have ended up with a group of pensioners as classmates. Although they were lovely, it wasn’t quite what I had in mind!

      I’ve recently joined a ‘bump club’ on Facebook – it’s full of local pregnant ladies and we’re all planning a meet up soon. Potentially something may come of that but I’m not holding my breath. xx

  2. Avatar June 10, 2016 / 4:31 pm

    Oh Jenna, I wish I lived nearer. I have been where you are right now and I completely agree with toddler groups being great for the kids but naff for mums. I mean some people are lucky but I certainly wasn’t – if anything they made me feel worse about myself as I felt like there must be something wrong with me. I hated living here and wished I had somewhere else to go- except I didn’t even have old friends to fall back on as they all live here there and everywhere. My very best friend now is someone I met when pregnant with LJ, I went on the Netmums meet a mum website and it was a bit like blind date. I met up with quite a few people and most were nice to chat to but not my cup of tea. I was close to giving up and then I met her. She has an older child too so we do things together all the time and of course our girls are the exact same age so just this morning we went for coffee. I’ll also say that now Grace is at nursery and he sunshine has appeared I am making more friends at the school gates, some are just ‘mums to talk to’ but some I really like for real and over time those relationships will grow. Obviously none of what I am saying is a quick fix but I want you to know I’ve been there and after a while of putting yourself out there you absolutely will find someone you click with. One person is all you need and I hope you find them soon. Definitely recommend the Netmums meet a mum as often those are the mums who also feel pushed out by baby groups. Sorry for the ramble – almost written as much as your post haha!!! xxx

    • Jenna June 12, 2016 / 9:15 pm

      I think you’re right – some people do get lucky and make friends at baby/toddler groups BUT the majority of us don’t. And I totally know what you mean about them making you feel worse. I often left baby groups in tears because I felt so alienated. I just had a quick look on the Netmums Meet a Mum website as it sounds fab, unfortunately nobody in my area has posted anything. Boo! Will keep an eye on it though. You do give me some hope, though. I don’t want loads of friends, just a few good ones will do. :) xx

  3. Avatar June 10, 2016 / 6:12 pm

    Sending you love and hugs…I have no answers or solutions but just wanted to say I know how you feel.
    When I moved to a new area it took me a good few years to make real friends….I actually made friends with some mums when my eldest started nursery. Chatting at the school gates then it progressed to going for coffee then meals and so on….My eldest is 13 now so I made some firm friendships. I know it is horrible to say wait until your girl starts nursery but don’t give up hope x

    • Jenna June 12, 2016 / 8:58 pm

      My daughter is at nursery two mornings a week already. My husband drops her off and I pick her up, but I never really bump into the other parents long enough to get chatting. People often tell me that I will meet other mums at the school gates but they are the same people who told me I’d make lots of friends at baby groups. I know my girl will start school quicker than I know it, but at the moment it seems a lifetime away. And there’s still no guarantee it’ll change anything for me. xx

  4. Avatar June 10, 2016 / 10:04 pm

    Oh Jenna, I was so sad reading this. I struggled a lot, and still do, with making good supportive friends, and also not having family close by, so I really don’t have any good advice but I couldn’t read and not say something. I’m not a big fan of toddler groups, I’ve never met anyone through them, my two mum friends I have met through Music with Mummy classes. It’s not much help but I’m only a message away xxx

    • Jenna June 12, 2016 / 8:53 pm

      Thank you Jess, that means a lot. I’m sorry that you struggle to make supportive friends too. I guess they are few and far between. I stopped going to toddler groups with the intention of meeting new friends for myself and now just go for Jasmine. I’m always glad to leave, though! xx

  5. Avatar June 10, 2016 / 10:26 pm

    Oh Jenna, I could have written this post too. I know exactly how you feel. We moved from our hometown where we knew everyone and had family to an area where we didn’t really know anyone. We did make a lot of friends but now we have a child they all seem to have moved away or are just too busy. I’m also a stay at home mum, I’ve been to numerous baby/toddler groups and we even did NCT classes because you make friends for life from those apparently. Well not for me, maybe because I’m the only one who didn’t return to work or I’m just rubbish at replying to people. I have anxiety which also doesn’t help. I wish I could tell you the magical answer to making new friends but I don’t know. I haven’t told my doctor I’m struggling and feeling this way, I tried to but chickened out. I think she could tell, and just said try going to groups. I said we do already. She just said try them all. Like you, I can’t see them being the answer.x

    • Jenna June 12, 2016 / 8:39 pm

      Thanks so much for your comment, Ky – I think you will know how much it’s appreciated. I am so sorry to hear that you feel exactly the same way. As much as it’s always good to know I’m not alone in feeling this way, it makes me terribly sad to know others are suffering with loneliness and isolation too. I never did the NCT classes but the ladies who did were always at the other baby groups I went to and always kinda ‘stuck together’ and ignored anyone else. It actually quite upset me back then but I realise now that they probably didn’t realise how they were making me feel. I’m the only person I know not to have returned to work after mat leave too. If you are struggling, please do talk to your doctor. Even though my midwife’s advice wasn’t particularly useful or what I wanted to hear, I felt better for just talking about it. I’ve held in those feelings for so long. And who knows, maybe your doctor might just have a better suggestion. Also, I’m always here if you want to talk about it – just pop over an e-mail or message me. xx

  6. Avatar June 12, 2016 / 9:00 pm

    This is such an honest and moving post – I think this will strike a chord with many, many mothers. I have two little ones and to say it’s hard work is an understatement, you just can’t explain it to anyone. We’re about to move areas and I’m kind of dreading finding all the baby groups and trying to make connections again. Wishing you all the best for your pregnancy and I really hope you find some great people to hang out with soon. x

    • Jenna June 12, 2016 / 9:47 pm

      Thank you, Lizzie. It’s sad to know that many mothers also feel this way. I hate the thought of even more mums out there feeling lonely and isolated. Motherhood is hard enough as it is without lack of support too. Oh I know it’s very daunting when you know you have to do all of the groups and try to make new connections in a new place but I’m sure you will manage it. Lots of luck to you too. xx

  7. Avatar June 13, 2016 / 4:09 am

    I think my wife has the same sentiments… It’s the one thing she hates about toddler groups…

    • Jenna June 13, 2016 / 8:29 am

      They’re definitely not all they’re cracked up to be!

  8. Avatar June 13, 2016 / 10:05 am

    I am so sorry to hear you feel like this and that you are struggling. I have had a quick read of the comments and so know that you’ve already realised you’re not alone in feeling like this. I am lucky as I live in the area I grew up in so have family nearby and ‘old friends’, a few of whom have children. I haven’t really made any new mum friends though, despite chatting easily to people in groups it never seems to go much further than that! I really hope you can find a support network soon, it must be so difficult for you. It can be very lonely at the best of times to be pregnant and/or a mother and when you actually feel alone it can be a real struggle. I wish I had useful advice but I don’t, I just hope you feel a bit better knowing that many other people feel the same and that you can take a bit of comfort from the online community.

    • Jenna June 13, 2016 / 11:13 am

      Thanks so much for your comment, Ellen. My post certainly seems to have struck a cord with many people. It’s sad that there are so many of us feeling so alone. It’s definitely been the toughest part of motherhood for me, being so far away from everyone. The plan is to move back closer to friends and family and although it won’t be for a while, I’m hoping I’ll be able to stick it out until then. Well, I’m going to have to, there is no other way. xx

  9. Avatar June 13, 2016 / 1:02 pm

    I’m so sorry Jenna, it sounds like a real plea for help and that you are struggling right now, you need a good friend in one of these groups that you feel you get some real support from. I hope you find that person or toddler groups can be very lonly places. #MarvMondays

    • Jenna June 13, 2016 / 1:26 pm

      Thanks Fiona. It really is only one good friend I need – I hope I can find them too. xx

  10. Avatar June 13, 2016 / 1:44 pm

    I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling so sad, I can relate a little bit as that’s why I am moving back to near my family are so I can have that support. I can feel lonely and isolated and I do have good friends here. I don’t think toddler groups are the answer but it is a good place to start to meet people. How about suggesting you meet up with a few of them one evening as you might find people are different when the kids aren’t around are are more able to talk. Sending lots of love and I’m so pleased to hear the pregnancy is going well xx Julia #MarvMondays

    • Jenna June 13, 2016 / 2:28 pm

      I read your post about moving back closer to your family, Julia and it sounds like the best decision for you and your littles. I hope to do the same eventually but I know it’s not going to be for a while yet so I’ll have to make do. I am hoping to meet up with some local fellow pregnant mamas later this week so I’m not giving up just yet. But I have found being a parent – and being away from friends and family – far harder than I ever imagined it would be.

  11. Avatar June 13, 2016 / 3:13 pm

    I’m another who went through similar. I never made any friends going to ‘groups’ with my first, it felt so forced, and so I didnt bother with my second. She is now two and a half , and im back at work. I think its really tough raising your family in a place that is not your own hometown, or where you dont already have a strong network. I have found, that now the kids are a bit older, I’m better off connecting with friends who dont have kids as they have more time on their hands and its an opportunity for me to have some of the cliched ‘me time’.

    • Jenna June 13, 2016 / 9:53 pm

      I don’t think I’ll bother with as many baby groups when I have my second. I now know what’s worth going to and what isn’t. It’s funny you say about connecting better with non-parents. None of my friends back home have children yet and they are the ones I’m missing the most. I think it’s because when I’m with them – I get to Jenna and not just ‘Jasmine’s mum’. xx

    • Jenna June 13, 2016 / 9:54 pm

      Thanks Sarah, I will definitely check out your app. xx

  12. Avatar
    June 13, 2016 / 5:07 pm

    Toddler groups are so tough and cliquey when you don’t know anyone. I remember hating them as I was always on the edge of conversations and didn’t understand how everyone knew each other. I used to walk the streets of our village and feel so lonely or leave playgroups and sob in the car! Try again with the pregnancy/postnatal groups with your second; it takes a while but sometimes it does all click (often on the first night out without the babies when everyone gets on the wine!) and you bond and then it’s all good. Or try and get involved with the nursery PTA or go to any events they organise (ours did a quiz one year which I dragged my husband too but meant I had a topic to chat about at the gates). Also there might be someone on the committee that can become a friend. Something like postnatal yoga might help too as it’s more focuses around you rather than your child and our teacher used to do a ‘get to know you’ bit at the start and tea at the end. Good luck xx

  13. Avatar June 13, 2016 / 8:21 pm

    I really feel for you Jenna. Its really hard making mummy friends and finding the right support group when you are pregnant and on maternity. I probably had a little bit more luck with and found one or two mums from baby groups that I connected with, but I wouldnt exactly say that they were mums that I properly talked to. They were lovely, but we talked about the kids and that was about it. There were lots of times at baby groups and during my first maternity leave that I felt very lonely. We decided to do hypnobirthing and not NCT so I didnt have an instanct cliche of friends to talk to and bond with before and after baby arrived, but it felt like everyone else did. In the end I did the baby groups and I did my own thing, becuase like you said, you can only try so much. Thanks for sharing this on #MarvMondays, I hope someone out there has some helpful suggestions for you. I’ve just started my second maternity leave and am dreading having a similar experience.. Emily

  14. Avatar June 13, 2016 / 8:33 pm

    I’m so sorry that you’re feeling so sad about it all :( I totally understand! I was lucky enough with my first child to make what I thought was a great friend and I went all out to be there for her when she had some really hard times but she soon made new friends and moved on. I can’t even say that I moved away, I am still in my hometown but I had children years before any of my friends and I feel like I lack a support network or even someone to chat to! Definitely here if you ever need to vent, talk or even chat about the weather with someone other than the tesco man xxxx

  15. Avatar June 13, 2016 / 9:22 pm

    I feel for you as we moved counties when BB was 16 months old and I had to start from ‘scratch’ again. I hated our new town for at least a year and it took me about 18 months to get over the move…sorry not much help but time does help! #marvmondays

    • Jenna June 13, 2016 / 9:59 pm

      Thanks, Natalie. That gives me some hope although it’s almost been 3 years since I’ve lived here… there’s only so much time I can give it! x

  16. Avatar June 13, 2016 / 9:40 pm

    What can you do to make the move to Bristol happen?! That’s where your heart is, I’m not sure you’ll be happy til you’re back there. I feel your pain to some extent… I’d go to baby and toddler groups and chat to people but then never the next step to become friends with them. But then I’m lucky I’ve been living in this city for 15 years so some of my besties are here, even if we don’t meet up as often as I’d like. As well as focusing on Bristol, have you thought of trying to get a part-time job/volunteering while Jasmine is nursery? Oh scrap that, might be tricky now you’re preggers?! Anyway, lots of love I’m thinking of you xxxx

  17. Avatar June 14, 2016 / 9:06 am

    I’m well and truly with you here. I moved from n.ire a year ago to the south East of England and I’ve no connections to show for my time here. Although I’m quite a ‘loner’ anyway, I’ve had the suggestions for baby and toddler groups and I eventually cracked and said no I don’t want to go- they don’t match my personality of sitting drinking tea talking to a mother who I otherwise wouldn’t have anything in common with only for the fact she has a child the same age as mine. I hope things look up for you and if you do fancy a chat just stop by and drop me a line :) #marvmondays

  18. Avatar June 14, 2016 / 11:53 am

    Oh Jenna, I wish I had an easy answer to make things better for you. It is normal to feel this way, especially as you’ve had a difficult year and the baby hormones are kicking in. When I had Lucas we lived away from family and friends and looking back now I really struggled, I tried the baby groups but didn’t make friends, I felt a bit on the outside. I was a mess of emotions though I don’t think I realised at the time. When he was ten months we moved back home and it was totally different, I’ve made good friends at groups and at school, I don’t know why it made a difference, maybe I just fell lucky or maybe it was me, maybe I was more comfortable. I know this isn’t a solution for you but I get where you’re coming from. Don’t ever feel like your failing, keep talking about it because keeping it bottled up will make it worse. It only takes one friend who you will click with and it could make all the difference, I wish I could offer some proper help lovely, I really do xxx

  19. Avatar June 14, 2016 / 5:22 pm

    This is such a heartfelt and honest post and one I can relate to really well. I moved away from my friends and family just over two years ago, before having my eldest and I didn’t seem to be making many friends at baby groups either. Eventually I decided to focus more on home and started setting up activities with the boys, planning day trips and just picked one class for each of the boys and went without the intention of making friends and instead just spending time with my boys. Ironically in doing that, I actually made a couple of really good friends at the groups I had chosen to go to. I think finding a hobby really helped me and I joined a local gym, started a couple of classes, where I met a few people and I kept crossing paths with a few neighbours when I was on my way to and from. A big thing as well, was when my partner started a new hobby and met some new people, because I then met their girlfriends and wives. It took a long time, but we did eventually start to carve out a new life in a new place and now I couldn’t imagine living where I used to. It is difficult to carve out a new life, but I think sometimes starting a new hobby can be such a huge help. Have you looked to see if there are any local blogger meet ups? I really hope you find some people who you can see becoming good, supportive friends very soon x

  20. Avatar
    June 15, 2016 / 8:16 pm

    Thanks for this post, I know how you feel. Just moved somewhere new. Found it a lot easier to meet bloke, as at least then you’re allowed to have a glass of wine!

    Doesn’t help that my body goes into a strange fight-or-flight mode at playgroups when I see a group of mums I don’t know, but I’m going to force myself to keep going. I will make a friend damnit!

  21. Avatar June 16, 2016 / 11:53 am

    Oh Jenna my lovely, I am so sorry you’re feeling this way. I wish I lived closer as I’d love to meet up with you! As you can see from your comments you are not alone in feeling this way. Motherhood is terribly isolating at times.

    I miss my friends from Warminster (a stones throw from Bristol!) terribly. I’ve lived in Fleet for almost 4 years and only in the last two months have I made friends with anyone else. I joined the committee for Bubs’ preschool, so now I have somewhere to go once a month and I’ve met another mum for coffee a couple of times. Although I’m mostly known as “A’s mum” it’s been good for me to break out of my stay-at-home rut. It has been tough as I’m very shy and happy in my own company but I knew I had to put myself out there.

    I think the idea of finding a group or activity not based around kids is a good one and I really do hope that things turn around for you soon. In the meantime I’ll have to figure out how to get to Suffolk by train! Vx

  22. Avatar July 1, 2016 / 9:01 am

    I can definitely sympathise, I spend most of my days lonely, I lost most of my friends after becoming pregnant with my first and if I’m honest I never even bothered with toddler groups as the thought of being around strangers terrified me. I know it isn’t the biggest help but just know you are not alone in your thoughts #effitfriday

  23. Avatar July 1, 2016 / 11:38 am

    Aww I’m so sorry you feel this way, I can’t imagine how horrible it must be to feel so lonely all the time. I don’t know if you’re in a position to do so, but if you are, have you considered doing some voluntary work. You’ll get to do something nice for others and meet new people, and I think a work environment is a more natural way to get to know people than a forced group. #effitfriday

  24. Avatar July 1, 2016 / 1:42 pm

    I wish I had words to make it better. I think there is definatly a big transition phase after having children. I lots most of my old friends as our lifestyles were no longer the same and it took me a long time to get over that as I felt so hurt. I really hope you find some great mummy friends soon. You are definitely not a failure though. x #effitfriday

  25. Avatar July 1, 2016 / 2:57 pm

    Want to give you a massive massive hug right now because trust me, I get this. I hope you’re ok. Send me a wee message if you need to have a moan. Glad you’ve got a bit of an outlet in writing, you write brilliantly – absolutely from the heart and wholly readable. Big Friday love coming your way. #effitfriday

  26. Avatar July 1, 2016 / 3:11 pm

    Oh my lovely, I absolutely completely understand everything you’ve said. I feel like I could have written this too. I’ve lived in our current town for 3 years now, and I have nothing to show for it friend wise – a few casual acquaintances sure but nothing real or solid. I hate toddler groups – they make me feel awkward and not good enough because nobody ever seems to want to “be my friend” – it just reminds me so much of school! I miss home, and as much as I try to make myself feel that this is home…it isn’t and it never will be.
    It’s so hard and I wish I had some advice for you. People tell me it will all get easier when the kids start school and you start to meet the school gate mums – but I have a feeling these are the same people who tell you toddler groups are the magic answer. #effitfriday xx

  27. Avatar July 1, 2016 / 4:45 pm

    No solutions or easy answers from me I’m afraid but just wanted to say ‘hi’ and that hopefully in a few months you’ll look back at this post and the way you’re feeling now will be just a memory. *hugs*

  28. Avatar July 7, 2016 / 10:57 am

    I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I do get what you mean about finding friendships that are based on more than a shared experience of nappy changes. I think those types of friendships take a long time and lots of shared experiences to develop though and you’re right, it’s unlikely they’re going to happen meeting once a week at Bounce & Rhyme.

    For me, pregnancy/baby/toddler groups did help me meet people and develop friendships. Some of them did make me feel awkward and some people were very standoffish, but I’ve been lucky enough to meet a few groups of parents that I genuinely get along with. The first year after my daughter was born was great because everyone was on maternity leave and had loads of time, but now that lots of folk are back at work or have a second child it’s much more difficult to arrange meeting with them. If I hadn’t met them though, I’m not sure what I’d have done, because although my old friends are still around I very rarely see them now; a couple of times a year if I’m lucky. Now I’m pregnant again and I’m out at pregnancy yoga and aquanatal trying to meet some new folk. I’m not convinced it’s going to go as well this time though. I think I was pretty lucky first time round.

    I have no answers. I have no idea how I managed to build the friendships I did when my daughter was born. But I hope that you can look back on this in a little while and it’s just a memory.

    Much love. x

  29. Avatar July 7, 2016 / 9:14 pm

    I have so much to write about on this. In Dubai it was completely different that no one had the solid support network of friends they have known since they were 2 and mum up the road so everyone was very open about making friends. Within days you’d have probably been invited round for a cup of tea and friends on Facebook, not something I’ve ever come across in the UK. I’m fairly extroverted but you’re right, toddler groups aren’t the best places to meet people. I’m about to go through it all again with another move and right now I’m just pushing that to the back of my mind and hoping for the best. Putting yourself out there is the loneliest you can be, and it can make you feel even more lonely. Sending you big hugs

  30. Avatar July 8, 2016 / 12:04 am

    I’m so sorry to read that you’ve been feeling this way. Motherhood is such a lonely place sometimes – a lot of the time in my case. I take the boys to toddler groups so they have fun but noone talks to me really and I don’t have many friends now. All but 1 of my pre-baby friends has dropped off the radar. And I’ve never made those close mum-mates that others seem to do. Sigh. I don’t have any answers or ideas but just to say you’re not on your own in feeling like this x

  31. Avatar July 18, 2018 / 4:04 am

    I know this was a really long time ago but I stumbled upon this post today and it was so helpful for me to know that other people have felt EXACTLY the same way I am feeling! I’m talking the toddler groups and everything. I have been reading through some of the helpful comments as well.

    I actually started a blog myself about my kids lol. But this post is just so real to me and I just want to say that I appreciate it even from two years ago.

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