I am the first out of my group of friends to have a baby. The first to have my own home. And now, the first to get married. It could have been any one of us, but it just so happened to be me. Most of the time this isn’t a big deal but there’s no denying the dynamics of my friendships have changed dramatically in the last year or so, especially since becoming a mum.
“You’re a proper grown up now!” my friends often joke.
They certainly don’t mean any harm by that statement but what I hear is “You’re boring” and “You’re no fun anymore”.
Because that’s what being a ‘proper grown up’ means to me.
Today as I dusted in the guest bedroom (which definitely is a boring, grown-up thing to do), I looked over at the large glass frame proudly displaying many of the music gig tickets I have collected over the years. They were yellow and faded from the bright morning sunlight that leaks into that room each day. Most of those bands, whose names were emblazoned across the tickets, I haven’t listened to in an awfully long time. It made me feel a bit sad.
“Is this adulthood?” I thought to myself.
Forgetting about everything I ever used to know and love?
It was at this moment that I questioned whether I had, indeed, ‘grown up’.
I shuddered at the thought.
I suppose you could say I suffer with Peter Pan Syndrome. I don’t want to grow up. Ever.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m hardly walking around in light up shoes (although, now that I think about it, that does sound fun).
I accept that I’m an adult. I accept that I have responsibilities (my mini human, being the most important of them all). I have bills to pay. A mouth to feed. A home to take care of. A husband to love and cherish.
But please, don’t ever tell me I’m a ‘grown up’. That is the WORST.
(I should point out I’ve recently had a birthday, I’m allowed to be oversensitive about this stuff!)
I can, of course, understand why my friends see me that way.
Because it’s my job to keep a little person alive, safe, happy and healthy.
And heck yeah, I love finding a good deal on loo rolls when I’m doing the weekly shop (we all do, right?)
And alas, I don’t spend my evenings going to gigs anymore. Nor do I stay up drinking until the small hours of the morning.
Instead I’m more likely to be found researching blackout blinds on the internet because nowadays? I’ll do anything to get more sleep.
But in all honesty, I’m having more fun now than I’ve ever had in my life. And I feel anything but ‘grown up’.
I can (and do) legitimately crawl around a soft play centre and nobody bats an eye-lid.
I can re-read the books from my childhood (and do all of the voices out loud).
I can play peek-a-boo in the middle of a shopping centre.
I can sing silly songs and dance silly dances.
I can make dens out of cardboard boxes and blankets.
And the best part is, I get to do it all with the coolest kid I know…
Who else has Peter Pan Syndrome?!