Wavering friendships and being ‘The Lion’

Wavering friendships and being ‘The Lion’
Being the first of my friends to settle down (Ugh, I hate that expression, why am I using it?!) and have a baby, I knew this time would come. I knew that eventually the novelty of having a friend with a baby would wear off for my pals, but perhaps I was naive to think that maybe it wouldn’t be just 3 months after becoming a mum.

You’ll have to excuse me a moment whilst I go all A-level Philosophy on your ass…
Austrian Philosopher, Ludwig Wittgenstein, once said “If a lion could talk, we could not understand him.” And whilst there are many opinions on what this quote actually means, I have my own theory. Take me, in this example, I am the lion.
I do have the ability to talk, but my friends do not understand me.

They might understand the words that I am saying.
They might understand the emotions I am purveying.

And yet still, they do not understand me.

I love and miss my friends so much but our worlds are completely different now. I’m struggling to relate to them and I fear the feeling is mutual. The problem is, much of the parallelism between our lives is fast disappearing. I can’t talk about the latest movie releases, the annoying thing my boss did at work, the last gig I went to or that super-trendy bar which has just opened up. Basically, I have nothing to say on the subjects that my friends and I used to talk about. Right now, all I know is this squidgy little human who is my entire life and center of my universe. And for my friends, understandably, that’s boring. I’m boring.
These days my normal topics of conversation involve subjects such as; the contents of Jasmine’s nappy (never, ever did I use the term ‘wet fart’ before having a baby, now it features highly in my vocabulary), sleep (or lack thereof) and how much the sun shines out of my baby’s arse (it really does).

Unfortunately, these topics aren’t so fascinating to my non-parent friends, which is all of them, actually. *sad face* I’m in that awkward stage of making tentative new friendships with other mummies and slowly losing touch with my old school, college and uni chums. I’m left just hanging in the balance and it’s a rather lonely place to be.
I am determined not to let the fact that I have a child diminish a lifetime’s worth of friendships. This week I took it upon myself to write several letters (with an actual pen and actual paper!) to the people that I’m not willing to lose touch with so easily. I know that friendships are about give and take, which is made that little bit harder by living so far away from them. However, I wanted to show my friends that I do still think about them and that I want them to remain in my life, even if it’s not in the same capacity that they once did.
I’m trying to make an effort.
I am the lion, I’m just hoping they can hear me roar.
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PS. I also want to take this opportunity to thank all of those lovely mummies who have left me a comment on my blog, tweeted me (talkin’ to you, #teamupallnight) or given me the opportunity to meet up with you in real life. You seriously don’t know how much this has meant to me over the last few months. I love how supportive the online community is, long may it continue. xx
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11 Comments

  1. July 10, 2014 / 4:42 pm

    What a lovely insightful post! I often feel the same now I have my 4 month old little girl. Great to know other mummies feel the same!

    • July 10, 2014 / 5:10 pm

      Thank you, Amy.

      I'm sure there are lots more of us who feel this way, never an easy subject to talk about though. x

  2. July 10, 2014 / 5:47 pm

    Love this post!! So honest and to the point. Well done you for writing it. It is such a hard place to be in but you'll be fine in the long run and will find things in common with your friends again :) xx

    • July 11, 2014 / 8:26 am

      Thank you, Sarah!

      I agree, this is just a bit of a stage I have to go through and whilst it's tough, these things do work themselves out in time. That's what I'm hoping anyway. :) xx

  3. July 10, 2014 / 6:52 pm

    What a lovely post. It's nice to see you make the effort to keep in touch with your friends, a lot of Mum's go the other way so it's testament to your friendships you're willing to work so hard to preserve them.

    Donna
    xx
    http://www.thelondonmum.me

    • July 11, 2014 / 8:29 am

      Thank you so much, Donna. :)

      I don't want to look back and regret not trying to preserve my friendships. If they still don't work out then at least I'll know that I tried. That's all I can do. xx

  4. July 13, 2014 / 6:55 pm

    Very heartfelt – very honest post. I haven't got many friends who aren't Mummies now, however my best friend is single and not got any kids. But I find that I have more in common with Mummies nowadays. x x

    • July 14, 2014 / 8:26 am

      I'm sure I will end up with lots of mummy friends too. (I hope so anyway) I just feel like a bit of a novelty to my other friends at the mo. They love meeting up for baby cuddles etc. but part of me thinks "hey, remember when you wanted to hang out with me because of who I was, rather than who I gave birth to!" xx

  5. July 14, 2014 / 7:36 am

    It is a very strange transition, but being a Mum later in life I can say that I have been here before, only the circumstance has changed. Life takes us round in circles. You may not be so close to some of your friends for a while. Some may come back around while some will follow a different path, but new people will join you on yours. Give yourself time to adjust and say goodbye where you need to, gradually any feelings of a loss will fade away. Life moves along and there are always people to move along with you. Sounds to me like you're doing a great job finding them :-)

    • July 14, 2014 / 8:31 am

      That is a very good way of looking at it. I guess I shouldn't feel so downbeat about friendships if they have reached their natural expiry date. No point forcing it. I'll just have to remember the good times and move on. It's a scary chapter in my life, a venture into the unknown but I'm excited about meeting new people to share that with. x

      PS.' underneath the elephant' is such a fab blog name.

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