Just for fun, I thought I’d write a list of some of the items that my my dog Heidi has either eaten or tried to eat over the last year or so. Heidi is an absolute nightmare and takes it upon herself to try and eat or chew as many household objects as caninely possible. What’s worse is that she gets away with it all because she’s so damn cute!
A month’s worth of contraceptive pills: Yup, Heidi gobbled up the whole packet of Micronor! She was absolutely fine but certainly won’t be having puppies any time soon! (Seriously though, it was quite scary finding that empty packet in her mouth but it’s made us consider where we put things from now on and we’ll be super efficient at keeping stuff out of the way by the time Jasmine’s stuffing everything into her gob.)
A baby’s dummy: Whilst out on a walk she picked up a bright pink dummy. She looked like a very hairy Maggie Simpson.
Underwear: I spend about 50% of my day chasing the dog around in order to remove a pair of knickers or socks from out of her mouth.
An entire roll of kitchen towel: She yoinked this from one of the baskets on Jasmine’s changing unit. On this occasion she chose not to eat it though, instead she shredded it into a gazillion pieces. Heidi is like the Andrex Puppy on steroids.
Mr Hoppy: To be fair ‘Mr Hoppy’, as we named him, is (or should I say, was) a dog toy. But did she really have to spread his fluffy innards all over the garden lawn?
Poor Mr Hoppy!
Hogan’s mouth: Now for those who don’t know who Hogan is (which is all of you), Hogan is like a family heirloom. He’s Stephen’s childhood toy (so he’s ancient!), a small stuffed orangutan which goes everywhere with us. He’s extremely well traveled and has even been to New Zealand. Heidi got hold of him and ate his mouth. Yes, just his mouth. I was pregnant when this happened so being the hormonal monster I was, I broke down in a flood of tears when I found Hogan missing his trademark smile. After a trip to a craft shop to buy some black felt and fabric glue followed by a delicate operation, we had him looking as good as new again.
Our treasured orangutan sporting his new mouth (and Christmas bow tie)
Our Kodak printer cable: She chomped through the electric cable rendering the printer unusable.
Our £200 baby monitor: Ditto. This was a gift from my dad so I was extremely pissed off! Luckily, Stephen has managed to fix the cable back together and it now works fine again. Phew!
Slippers: Prancing around the house in my favourite fluffy slippers is a distant memory. These days they are just another couple of items that belong in Heidi’s ‘toy box’.
A large slice of victoria sponge cake: Stephen won this cake in a bet we had with each other. He foolishly left it unattended on the coffee table to go and make a cup a tea that he could enjoy with his prize. Heidi whomped it down, leaving a few token crumbs behind as if to say ‘Eff you, Daddy!’.
Junk mail: Charity bags and junk mail = schnauzer delicacies.
Heidi’s best “It wasn’t me!” expression
I am sure there are loads of things I’m forgetting but you get the idea! I know there is no such thing as a bad dog, only bad owners. Heidi could be better trained and it’s something we are working on. I do secretly love her little bit of a naughty streak and at the end of the day, dogs will be dogs.
Remind me about this the next time she eats something expensive.