Sh*t my dog ate!

Just for fun, I thought I’d write a list of some of the items that my my dog Heidi has either eaten or tried to eat over the last year or so. Heidi is an absolute nightmare and takes it upon herself to try and eat or chew as many household objects as caninely possible. What’s worse is that she gets away with it all because she’s so damn cute!
Here goes…

A month’s worth of contraceptive pills: Yup, Heidi gobbled up the whole packet of Micronor! She was absolutely fine but certainly won’t be having puppies any time soon! (Seriously though, it was quite scary finding that empty packet in her mouth but it’s made us consider where we put things from now on and we’ll be super efficient at keeping stuff out of the way by the time Jasmine’s stuffing everything into her gob.)

A baby’s dummy: Whilst out on a walk she picked up a bright pink dummy. She looked like a very hairy Maggie Simpson.
Underwear: I spend about 50% of my day chasing the dog around in order to remove a pair of knickers or socks from out of her mouth.
An entire roll of kitchen towel: She yoinked this from one of the baskets on Jasmine’s changing unit. On this occasion she chose not to eat it though, instead she shredded it into a gazillion pieces. Heidi is like the Andrex Puppy on steroids.
Mr Hoppy: To be fair ‘Mr Hoppy’, as we named him, is (or should I say, was) a dog toy. But did she really have to spread his fluffy innards all over the garden lawn?

Poor Mr Hoppy!

Hogan’s mouth: Now for those who don’t know who Hogan is (which is all of you), Hogan is like a family heirloom. He’s Stephen’s childhood toy (so he’s ancient!), a small stuffed orangutan which goes everywhere with us. He’s extremely well traveled and has even been to New Zealand. Heidi got hold of him and ate his mouth. Yes, just his mouth. I was pregnant when this happened so being the hormonal monster I was, I broke down in a flood of tears when I found Hogan missing his trademark smile. After a trip to a craft shop to buy some black felt and fabric glue followed by a delicate operation, we had him looking as good as new again.

Our treasured orangutan sporting his new mouth (and Christmas bow tie) 

Our Kodak printer cable: She chomped through the electric cable rendering the printer unusable.
Our £200 baby monitor: Ditto. This was a gift from my dad so I was extremely pissed off! Luckily, Stephen has managed to fix the cable back together and it now works fine again. Phew!

Slippers: Prancing around the house in my favourite fluffy slippers is a distant memory. These days they are just another couple of items that belong in Heidi’s ‘toy box’.

A large slice of victoria sponge cake: Stephen won this cake in a bet we had with each other. He foolishly left it unattended on the coffee table to go and make a cup a tea that he could enjoy with his prize. Heidi whomped it down, leaving a few token crumbs behind as if to say ‘Eff you, Daddy!’.
Junk mail: Charity bags and junk mail = schnauzer delicacies.

Heidi’s best “It wasn’t me!” expression

I am sure there are loads of things I’m forgetting but you get the idea! I know there is no such thing as a bad dog, only bad owners. Heidi could be better trained and it’s something we are working on. I do secretly love her little bit of a naughty streak and at the end of the day, dogs will be dogs.
Remind me about this the next time she eats something expensive.
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  1. Avatar July 15, 2014 / 1:07 pm

    Look at her little face!! Bailey hasn't started eating anything yet, but she is BITING EVERYTHING!! I got so angry with her this morning I just got up and went and got ready because she kept biting me. GRRR
    xxx | daisydaisyxxo

    • Avatar July 15, 2014 / 1:21 pm

      It's that little face that let's her get away with everything!

      The bitey puppy stage is very annoying but does pass fairly quickly. The best thing I was told to do in our puppy classes was completely ignore her when she does it. Don't speak to her or jump around – she'll think it's a game. Turn around and face the other way if you have to, just don't pay any attention to her bad behaviour (easier said than done, I know). She'll soon get the message. xx

  2. Avatar July 15, 2014 / 1:10 pm

    Haha, this post is hilarious! My old dog once raided the bin and ended up with a jar stuck on the end of her nose because she had been trying to clear out the contents. Had to take her to the vets and everything to get it removed! Pets are great!! xx

    • Avatar July 15, 2014 / 1:23 pm

      Haha, that must've looked hysterical! I'm glad I wrote this post – it's made me realise that other people's dogs are just as naughty as mine! xx

  3. Avatar July 17, 2014 / 9:05 am

    Haha, nice post. Sounds like nothing in the house is safe! We have a sausage dog who is nearly a year old – he loves nothing more than stealing the wife's shoes and carrying them around the house or pulling the bin bag out of the bin. Luckily he doesn't destroy / eat things like Heidi, he just likes to collect and claim as his own!

    • Avatar July 17, 2014 / 9:56 am

      What is it with dogs and shoes?! I'll never understand what goes through their heads. It's kinda cute that he just collects things though! Fancy swapping?!

  4. Avatar July 17, 2014 / 9:27 am

    Ha, I love this, knowing that my dog isn't the only one! I have a 3 yr old Lab and she's just terrible, she steals food off the counter, grabs the kids toys and runs into the garden where it's really hard to catch her..and she eats disgusting stuff that I won't go into detail with..she's like a rebellious teenager…ironically try and give her a flavoured worming tablet…doesn't want to know! My 1 yr old lab on other hand is so good! #brilliantblogposts

    • Avatar July 17, 2014 / 10:00 am

      It's such a relief to know you're not the only one suffering at the paws of a naughty dog, isn't it? That's exactly what Heidi does, she'll snatch something from on top of the coffee table and run out to the garden with it, where she'll then take great delight in ripping whatever it is to shreds. She will eat her worming tablets though so she's obviously not as smart as your lab! x

  5. Avatar July 21, 2014 / 7:33 pm

    Your dog is GORGEOUS-I mean utterly beautiful-cannot believe he ate a month's worth of the pill! Wowsa! Thank for linking up to #brilliantblogposts

    • Avatar September 26, 2014 / 7:46 am

      Haha, thank you – that's how she gets away with it all though! ;) x

  6. Avatar September 26, 2014 / 8:23 am

    hahahahahaha!!! That is all. x

  7. Avatar September 26, 2014 / 8:45 am

    Oh my goodness – a baby monitor?! That's strangely impressive lol. #TheList

    • Avatar September 26, 2014 / 11:51 am

      Pretty much anything that's expensive or has sentimental value is seen as a target! x

  8. Avatar September 26, 2014 / 9:07 am

    He he, this made me chuckle, reminds me of my oldest (child!) when he was a toddler, except that he didn't eat things, he just shoved them down the toilet. Brand new camera, teddy bears, iphone, baby monitor… you get the idea! #TheList

    • Avatar September 26, 2014 / 11:52 am

      Oh my goodness, that sounds like a nightmare! xx

  9. Avatar September 27, 2014 / 5:31 am

    Oh she's so cute! I have a dog who eats anything not nailed down so I feel your pain. We even had to stop feeding her the little individual tins of wet dog food because she was eating the tin!


    • Avatar September 28, 2014 / 11:02 pm

      Hahaha, glad I'm not the only one. ;) x

  10. Avatar September 29, 2014 / 5:47 pm

    I think her 'it wasn't me' face is more like 'it was me, what are you going to do about it?' Face! Haha! Hilarious and thoroughly enjoyable post :)

    Thanks for linking love! Hxxx #TheList

    • Avatar October 14, 2014 / 1:47 pm

      That's very true – she has rude 'tude!

      Thanks a lot! :) x

  11. Avatar September 29, 2014 / 5:49 pm

    Ps the comments have also had me pissing myself – tins of dog food!! Haha :) xx

    • Avatar October 14, 2014 / 1:48 pm

      Me too – I'm just glad I'm not the only who has to put up with this stuff! ;) x

  12. Avatar October 14, 2014 / 2:57 pm

    This is so funny, i love it, we used a have a dog called Edward he was an eater, he age a pair of levi's, a diary, 3 remote controls, the corner of my uncles dining table, any letters that came through the door, and a tomato plant it didn't do him any harm though as he lived to 17 x

    • Avatar November 11, 2014 / 10:55 am

      Haha, brilliant. It makes me wonder where they put it all?! xx

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